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October 17, 2008 in economics, mastur/metablogging, music, politics

The Daily Mash is still making more sense about the economic crisis than the entire global conservative movement. ECONOMISTS WARN OF BILLY BRAGG:

Professor Bill McKay, of University College London, said: “The core economic purpose of any Labour government is to prevent Billy Bragg.

“If, as it appears, we are returning to a cycle of boom, Bragg and Jimmy Sommerville’s excruciating falsetto, one is forced to ask the question, ‘what is Gordon Brown for?’.”

If you think about it, that’s actually true; New Labour’s chief aim has indeed been to prevent any return to Billy Bragg, by being tough on Bragg (i.e. noisy leftist opinion) and tough on the causes of Bragg (internal party democracy, social acceptance of Bragg, real ale, heavy industry, mass unemployment, etc). It now appears to be the case that the leader of the Conservative Party wants to bring back many factors correlated with Bragg. We may be facing a Bragg election.

Further, GOVERNMENT TAKES 60% STAKE IN AL-QAIDA.

Prime minister Gordon Brown said that if suspects cannot be detained for 42 days the only alternative was to nationalise much of the terror industry.

Mr Brown said: “This move is very much in line with our current strategy. If all else fails, just buy the fucker.” He insisted the day to day operations will remain with a small group of religious psychopaths working out of a cave in Pakistan.

The prime minister said : “We must ensure that, as an institution, it continues to provide a useful, ongoing threat without actually blowing things up.”

Who could deny that, deep down in the core bureaucracy, the Government, or rather the State, wants precisely that? There’s just a shade of Terry Pratchett here, who I think nationalised burglary in one of his novels – the rationale was to provide jobs for burglars while keeping burglary down to a level that would be tolerable but wouldn’t be so low as to put the insurance companies out of business. Seriously, you could do worse than abandoning the newspapers and just reading the Mash.